This is originally an essay I wrote nearly 2 years ago. It was beautifully formatted and first published in Holistic Birth of Orlando‘s blog. I am now sharing it here.
In an effort to understand and clarify my own views and philosophies on midwifery I feel inspired to write about what I see around me, what I’m struggling with, and what I know is true for me. As a senior student midwife only 6 months away from licensure I have many pressing thoughts about what to do when that time comes.
From day one I’ve contemplated and imagined how I could practice and what it could look like. Throughout my training I’ve been exposed to various styles of midwifery practice and several different midwives. I’ve learned about what I like and don’t like, what certain clients are receptive to, what I think I want to incorporate in my own practice and what I don’t. My struggle continues to be in finding a place to incorporate Spirit in my practice of midwifery.
I know it’s possible because this was in fact my introduction to midwifery. I had read Ina May Gaskin’s Spiritual Midwifery and had also met some beautiful women I considered to be spiritual midwives. As I get closer to the day when I will have the opportunity to practice in a way that resonates with me, in my mind and heart I start to blend the practical aspects of midwifery with my own philosophies about pregnancy and birth and my role in it as a midwife.
Having been on the other side of this relationship as a homebirth mother and client to a midwife, I bring this perspective with me. In fact, I was first a homebirth mother and midwifery client before I ever experienced it from this side as the midwife. I often reflect on the kind of midwife I want for myself and the kind of midwife I will be in practice.
I am someone who believes very strongly in doing personal growth work, internal work…spiritual work. I value spiritual growth very much and I gravitate towards others that feel the same, including the midwife I chose for my own birth. I value it in every single aspect of life, and because I am a mother, I’m aware of the implications of this work for myself and my child.
Throughout my midwifery training I’ve wondered how I would integrate this in my practice of midwifery. The models I once had to show me how to begin to do this have since moved away while other mentors I’ve had have been long distance. I try to reflect back to my experiences with these women but my memory of them is only as a mother, client, and friend, not as a midwife. In these recent weeks I’ve allowed myself to be with all of these thoughts and reflect on it all.
I’ve known for a long time that the window of pregnancy and childbearing years in a woman’s life could be a powerful catalyst for personal growth. I experienced this myself before the birth of my child and it continues to be a source of motivation and inspiration for growth. When I reflect on my own pregnancy, future pregnancies, and clients’ pregnancies I’m convinced that doing the internal work of healing limiting beliefs, stuck patterns of thinking, old wounds, and fears is the true work of pregnancy. Not the idea of reading every pregnancy book, learning every technique and every aspect of the mechanics of birth that is commonly emphasized in prenatal education.
Don’t get me wrong, I do feel these things are important and I encourage my clients to prepare themselves in these ways, however, in my opinion it shouldn’t end there. This is only half of the picture. Doing the internal work of healing our relationship to ourselves, our bodies, our sexuality, our mothers, and our own birth experiences is very helpful for the baby we are gestating and bringing into the world. Doing this work raises the vibration into which our babies will be born. It helps us be who they need us to be in order that their soul can achieve its highest potential. This, in my opinion, is the work of being pregnant.
So how do I see my role as a midwife…
I see my role as being someone who monitors the physical health of a woman’s pregnancy in the midwifery style of care which includes a lot of education and a personalized approach. I also see it as someone who recognizes the true work of pregnancy and opens the space and opportunity for that work to happen, spending time talking about emotions being experienced, things that come up to the surface for the purpose of healing, and the spiritual transformation clients are experiencing. In order to facilitate this it is clear to me that I must continue to do my personal work in integrity, and continue to become more honest with myself and others. It will be my never-ending work.
I recognize that not all clients will be open and receptive to this but where it can happen, I want to hold an open space for it. This is what Spiritual Midwifery is to me. I feel in integrity with my desire and passion to be a midwife and to facilitate personal growth where I can. It stems from my spiritual calling to midwifery. It was not just a calling to care for women and be an advocate. It was a calling to serve in the highest way that I could, to support spiritual growth in the woman for the sake of herself, her child, and consequently, the rest of humanity. It is ultimately about the spiritual evolution of the collective for me.
So back to my original dilemma… As I’m getting ready to graduate and become a licensed midwife in this community, I’m looking for other sister midwives with whom I can practice this kind of spiritual midwifery. I am sure that I don’t want to do it alone. I am a mother of a young child with plans to have more children. I want support. I want to feel supported as a mother AND a practicing midwife.
There are things I do not wish to sacrifice to a life of being on call 24/7. With mutual support, a small group of spiritually like-minded and like-hearted midwives can do it. It’s my hope that in the coming months I’ll be able to create and attract the kind of situation that would support this. In the meantime, I want to remain open to the possibilities and to open dialogue that is heart-felt, honest, and ego-less. If you resonate with my words feel free to comment and share your thoughts.
